The man I called Father

He was a simple man.  Never gone to college and has no motivation to get ahead in life.  He was content of what he had.  For him, it doesn't matter if he had an affluent life before.  It doesn't matter if there wasn't enough food at the table.   It doesn't matter if we were not going to college.  To his economy, what good it would do us?  and then would go on saying that "he was just high school level and yet he was able to build a family"..."But what kind?"  We would always protest.  For that and many more reasons I hated this man I called Father.

Ours have been a love-hate relationship.  I loved him in many days he was good to us but i hated him a lot of times I thought he wasn't the father we wanted.   I wanted him to be more loving, comforting, friendly, I want him to be there, to have a real relationship with us kids but he wasn't.  We wanted a father whose very perfect but he keeps falling short.  

I remembered a conversation he had with our oldest brother.  My brother wanted to go to college to realize his dreams.  My father would not consent.  He said we don't have the money.  Not yet.  Maybe someday.  My brother pleaded with tears.  But my father wouldn't give in.  His decisions were final and we can't do anything about it.  As a result, my brother started drinking and do drugs and messed up his life badly.  I hated my father more.  For that.   

There was also a time my younger brother and i were playing.  On a slope portion of our grandparents farm.  We were sliding down the slope using a coconut husk without realizing the danger we were in.  for my brother and I, it was enjoyable.  Until my brother toppled and nearly went over the cliff!!  My father was furious!  He beat the hell out of us.  Why would we be beaten for such a small pleasure?  I really can't understand his economy.  for us, he never made the effort to understand us...

When it was time for me to go to college, it was a very hard decision on his part.  But not for me, with or without his consent, I want to have a college education. And because I am a scholar, I had my ticket then.  He consented but with a warning that I can't demand support from him financially coz he doesn't have.  Why can't he possibly work hard and finance our education?   Just like other dads?  I vowed i would never be like him when I'll have kids someday...

But as I grow older i realized I was being unfair to the man.  for one, he was also a victim of his own circumstances in life.  Second, he might be blinded by the fact that he was, in his own mind, doing well when it comes to fathering. How can i blame him for that?

With that realization comes healing.  I had resolved then to love the man more no matter what.  I resolved to forgive him and myself for not loving him.  I resolved not to irk him anymore.  I resolved to respect him even if I thought he was not worthy of it.  

More healing came when one night he knocked into our room and ask if our older brother was already in.  Our brother was out with some of his friends-drinking.  Our father kept checking until the wee hours of the morning.  until finally at 4 am he decided to go look for my brother.  you must understand that during those times, there were no tricycles yet during those hours.  So he must have walked to the poblacion to find my brother.  I don't have to tell you how far that was but I see there the sacrifice of a father. He wanted to make sure my brother is safe and sound.  He wanted to brought him to the confines of our home where safety was...

I can't help but cry that time. i was so touched by his gesture. It dawned on me that he loved us after all.  It wasn't quiet what I expected about loving but it was his way of showing his.  Since then i never again doubted the man-about his love and concern for us.  It was his way and i let him be.  I had the most peaceful sleep in all my life that time...

Complete healing came when i become born-again.  Then i understood  that without God our family is doom to fail.  without His Lordship in our lives, everything will be a mess.  A family outside the bounds of the love of the Father simply cannot make it in this life.  on the contrary, i became aware that a family whose serving God is blessed in every way, and in all their ways.  Goodness and mercy follows such kind of a family when Jesus is their shepherd.

There were still a lot of times i protested to his decisions after that.  But they weren't out of rebellion anymore.  But more of a son who wanted the best for his father, for his entire family. 

The more i experienced healing, our relationship improved also.  He too as a man improved.  He began consulting us regarding family decisions.  There was even a time he asked me to be home because we had a problem with our youngest.  I felt his trust.  that's all i need and have craved for all my life.  and he gave it to me.  its more than what i could asked for.  

He died five years ago.  but I think we had made our peace.  and I thanked God for a well spent years we had.  Despite and inspite of what we went through as father and son.  

As i stared on his lifeless body during his wake, I found out that hurts and bitterness, failures and successes, love and hate, they are all part of this thing we call life.  They are all part of being a family.  They are all experiences common to all-all family for that matter.  Its how you will make use of them that spells the difference...I thanked my father for showing me the difference that night.  

Happy Father's day Pa!


 

For the Love of Sugar...

How would you react if the doctor will tell you "you are diabetic?" and that you are to be treated the soonest possible time?

I had that conversation with a doctor some days ago.  I never thought I'll  have that conversation ever.  It never occurred to me, no, not even once.  I thought I am living as "healthily" as I could.  I mean, I don't feel anything and i thought everything's normal in my life.

So it came like a shock.  What???  Are we sure?  But the lab test won't lie and I had my blood tested thrice just to be sure.  Who knows, it might be someone else' blood!  It can happen.  Samples are exchanged sometimes and you end up on someone else' lab results.  Just like in the movies.  But this is the real life:  I have it and somehow I have to come to terms with myself regarding this sickness.  Which is the hardest part...

I was like floating in midair that day.  Wow.  Diabetes.  Type 2.  I never heard much of the doctor's words as she was telling what to do...that's why when i get home, I really don't know what to do!  Nonetheless,  I bought the prescription and had lots of soul searching.  I decided to "fight" this illness.  I have to be armed!  This is where the internet get's useful...so the next days were spent researching about the illness.

I started my WAR against diabetes by changing what I eat.  No more sugar and lots of veges!  Less carbo too!    It was hard during the first 3 days.  But the days after that, I think I already have adjusted. And I shed off a lot of weight in the process.  Good for me!  I got tired of this excess pounds anyway!

With this whole experience I realized that it's not too late to start on something.  Like starting to change our diet.  One can be old and yet one can start on something new in life.  A project maybe, a new skill to acquire, a new business that you've been dreamin' of, a course to take, anything...

I also realized that there are things in life when demanded, can be easily given up!  In my case, sugar and all the food that has lots of it.  The other day some friends and I were hanging out and they wanted to have ice cream!  They were worried I would be tempted!  But then again I have resolved not to eat "sugary" food again. They had their ice cream and I had my lemon juice.  Just like that.  Nice.   

Hah...I know there will be lots of time I would be tempted.  It will come. I know am still at the beginning of this war.  But then again, I know the Lord will help me win this battle.  As always.  So why do I have to worry?  If the Lord is with me, who can be against me as Paul says.  No in all these things i am more than a conqueror.  Not death nor life, nor demons, nor angels, nor famine or darkness or sword, or nakedness or in my case, diabetes, can be able to separate me from His love!   

The Face of FACEBOOK

Just watch the film "The Social Network" and got inspired by Mark's (the creator of facebook) genius.  Just can't imagine how people can be so intellectual they turn the world upside down.  I mean, the world was never the same again after facebook.  Now, everyone's into it- as  it is a convenient way of meeting friends no matter where they are in the world.  Truly, it was a milestone in the history of mankind..

thank God for such kind of minds.....

Bountiful Bongao

On the last lap of our trip to the Tawi-tawi group of islands, we were treated to a feast fit for a Datu.  The smell, the sight and the taste was exotic.  Very Bongao as  the locals described it.  It was a feast prepared by an MSUan who are living there and who happens to own a restaurant that's newly opened.  It is located on the very heart of Bongao, the capital town of Tawi-tawi province.  

One of the bounty served to us was the "Alupihang Dagat."  It sounds dangerous but in reality its very delicious!  It has some fangs alright but it tastes sweet in some portion.  i don't know if its the recados or its natural taste that cause it but boy, you have got to taste it. Its really, really major, major very good. (see pictures).  It was my first time to encounter and actually sample it.  I only heard the name (from a movie of Fernando Poe Jr.-or was it him? :Alupihang Dagat.) but I never saw one.  So there, I think i had 3-4 servings of those that time!

Then there's the shells cooked in coconut milk.  Now, i have tasted a lot of shells cooked in coco milk before but this one tastes different.  It has a little bit of a biting taste and a little bit of sour taste also.  the color is orange so i think "dulaw" is not responsible for the color.  I think it is "asuete" that does the trick.  Overall, I'll give it a 5 thumbs up!  It's really very delicious.

Then there's the kinilaw na Bolinao.  Theirs is slightly different to our kinilaw.  Aside from the fact that the Bolinao was freshly fished out (by the way, the sea is just a stone's throw away from this resto), it has hilaw na mangga added to it.  i don't know with you guys but people from Davao do not usually add mangga to our kinilaw. that's why when I tasted it i asked myself:  "why would we not put mangga (as it is bountiful in Davao) everytime na mag kilaw?  With mangga, the kinilaw tastes even better!"  They also put some tomatoes on it which i find odd because we do not put kamatis in our kinilaw.  Bisaya ra jud siguro kaayo mi.  hehehe.  Mura bag it's a big no no if you put tomatoes in your kinilaw.  I remember my father, who's a very good cook too,saying" kamatis is for tula, luy-a for kinilaw..."  

The seaweed, which is not lato nor guso, but looks like a combination of the two, was also delicious.  I guess, gilapwaan to nila to soften it a little bit.  Then you have to douse it on to a dip of vinegar and soy, sugar and salt and sili.  yummy.

Then added to those sumptuous sud-ans were the usual sinugba, the crabs, adobong pusit, tinolang isda ( Lapu-lapu ba yon?  I forgot..hehehe).  We were like "wow" "oh" and "ah." that day.  And when we started eating, i thought my companions would never stop...  But I guess each man had his fill..........  

Lanzones and Mangosteen are a-plenty in Bonggao too.  And they are very affordable.  Like, a basket (made of coconut leaves!  first time i saw one like that!) of lanzones will cost you Php 150 only.  One basket is approximately 10-15 kilos.  Now that's very cheap indeed. and on that feast, we had it for free!!!!  That even makes it the cheapest!....

It was quiet an experience.  I never thought eating would be that fun!!!!!!  I had fun....as always....

First Time

When it comes to blogging, am still a virgin.  But that doesn't apply to other areas of my life.  I've been into this and into that so I guess i have some gems i can share to whoever wants it.  Or whoever will read this to be more appropriate.  i plan to write my simple ponderings about life, its complexities, its joys and sorrows, its struggles and successes, and anything and everything in between.  

I'm not a wordsmith so i can't promise this will be perfect.  i will try.  can't hire an editor yet.  not yet.  but i hope that more than how it was formed, you go for content.  Not a lame excuse though for whatever this blog would lack later!  i am just trying to say that i hope we will enjoy exchanging ideas in this site.  And praying that you will give this virgin a chance. 

If you have some topics you wanted me to research and write about, well, maybe we can do something about it.  just comment and I'll try to address it.  Ok?  I'm already beginning to like this...night.